I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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