i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
