Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
