I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
