Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
