I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I understand Curling. That high.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
