bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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