Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
