Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
