Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
