just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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