Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
