Nicole vs. Life
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
