your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
