Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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