a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
