I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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