after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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