Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
