I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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