Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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