I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
