if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
