Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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