Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
