If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you had me at cake vodka
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
