I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
