i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
