Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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