I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
