We're facebook friends in real life
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
