I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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