....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is the high leading the old right now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
