If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
