Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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