I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
