home. puking in laundry basket.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
