so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
