Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
