I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
