Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
