so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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