My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
