I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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