dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
3 2 1 whiskey
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
