i think i scared a bird with my dick
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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