you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
