you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
zippers are such a cool invention
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
