The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't deserve a penis
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
