I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
