I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
