last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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