If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
