remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
