DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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