I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
