you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize