she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
