I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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