she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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