she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
