is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
