My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
