yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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