If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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