I just made out with a guy for $7.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
