My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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