So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
