We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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