Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
