Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i think i just lost a toe
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