i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
