the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
worst night to have a conscience
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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