So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
