Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
