Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
