It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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