It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How does one acquire holy water?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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